let the last song make us dance.

you seem so long ago...

2009-11-08T01:11:00.007+08:00

the Damien Rice's song is stuck in my head and it wont leave me alone till i straighten up my thoughts.

Very often i find myself thinking back the things i did. It's like life didnt slow down on me at all. Many things rushed by and sometimes so fast that i didnt even have time to take a good look at them. Just like texting on the phone for example, i wouldnt just let it go after i sent a "quickly-typed" text, i've got this sick habit of reading the same text that i've just sent 2 or 3 times before reassuring myself that "yes, that's just what i meant".

Well, life for me has been this way for awhile.

Sitting on the bus on my way home this afternoon, i remembered certain images of the recent birthday party my family had for all the November babies ( they only do that in November and not any other months! :( ! ). And those images started triggering memories of not so long ago, when i was a little bigger than i am now, those times with Imran to be exact and soon, i found myself way back on the timeline in 2007 , when i'm still with my ex. Suddenly, i thought,"wait a minute, where did i started?", and i worked back on the timeline again, finding myself tapping my ez-link card and moving through the half-empty (or half-full, depends on how you want to look at it (: ) bus, settled down on a seat just by a wide window.

I wonder how many of you experience this too.

CLOSER. the movie i just watched on demand for free. talked about love and sex between 4 strangers. LOVE SEX STRANGERS. oh, what a fantastic combination. I have always doubted that movie, i had the DVD, i watched it half-way on channel 5 but never so much finish watching it. "DAMNED." i thought. Here's a chance and since it's a saturday night and i'm home and i need some recreational activity, so fuck it. I'll sit and let the show humor me. And IT DID. Instaneously, i know JUDE LAW CAN TOTALLY SEX ME NOW. haha..i apologize for the bimbotic moment but it only goes to show how hot he is!

After an hour into the show, i know this is the movie i'm going to get stuck on to for the rest of my life. I'm going to be obssess in it, i'm going to learn every line (if i could and have the time (: ) and i'm going to watch it over and over again. The reason is Jude Law, no. (Well, to be honest, not only that). It's not how horny Clive Owen can seem to be, not how beautiful and weird Julia Robert's laughter is , certainly not how HAWTE Natalie Portman actually is and how needy and handsome and charming (i could go on for a thousand years) Jude Law potrayed his character or just the way he looked like.

It was the different ways love exists in the movie that survived me through the 100mins. I learnt,not only how love can seem to be, but also the different ways it can haunt a person and take on their lives. Some love are selfish, some worship sex as love, and for the others they love because believed it's true.

Life was referred to a big fat lie , in the movie. The luring truth is that it is true. We pretend to create beauty but foolish enough not to realise that the beauty we adore, are beautifully told and concealed lies.

maybe,just maybe, ponder on that....

Once again at the end of a very very long day, i stopped to wonder about what we could have turned into. I went to many places with my mind and tried to pick up from where we left. And then i realized, we seemed so long ago. That's when i started leaving because i know now, there's nothing in those places anymore.

Did i say that i loathe you?
Did i say that i want to leave it all behind? - Damien Rice, The Blower's Daughter

Upon the skies of blue..i found you.

2009-08-22T23:39:00.005+08:00

i was soooooo bored, i tried to sign back on blogspot again to check out my DUST AND COB-WEBBED FILLED blog.

It's abosolutely HILARIOUS n RIDICULOUS.

I was a kid, who didnt want to admit that i'm a kid. I wish that i could say that i'm not a kid anymore. But tt's not really up to me. Perhaps, time moulds people. Things that happened changed people. And that's what it did to me.

It brings back the ever-so sensational and enjoyable memories. ha! now, it's the time i can say "Those were the days....". :)

Well, 2 or 3 years ago,when i still bothered to blog, my dad was not ill, he was not diagnosed of Lymphoma and he was, still very much alive. He was my dad, my old man, my not-so-close-friend, my papa. He was fierce, bad tempered and i often cant escape from his chiding if i've done something outrageous, like i still do.

But soon after he found out he was not his old-self anymore, things changed in these family. a bittersweet way i would describe.

Papa's more mellow, mom's turned more caring for pa and the 3 of us,sisters would bury our heads together to discuss what to do to "save" daddy whenever pa's off to the hospital. Pa couldnt and didnt want to raise his voice at us anymore. He would let da jie make many decisions, he even had to allow her to take over his role as a breadwinner for the family. He harboured much shame and guilt that he had to pass on the baton to his daughter who was then, only 25. Pa was a kind and gifted man. He taught me whatever he can in the everyday life and i really miss the little lessons that he made for me. He often exaggerate them so that i would find it interesting. But it's not the only his "lessons" that i missed, it's his voice, his laughter when he was telling those stories and his smile...

Pa is gone for almost a year now. There is no word in the world that could measure how much i could talk about and what i would want to say to him. I've done enough stupid things and made enough heartless decisions to be dragged to hell. I've neglected Pa for the most part. Chosen someone who let me down in the end. I'll never be able to forgive myself...

The tattoo on my back says "World's #1 Dad" and in about 2 weeks time the name "Michael" will be engraved into my skin. It's the greatest honour for me to have you as a father,Pa. what you did and what you've gone through is undoubtedly the bravest. For us and for yourself, you fought to the very end.

I'm sorry Pa. I love you too..

-Unfillial Child

i am not good.

2008-01-06T19:44:00.000+08:00

me?no where near being fine.i am not good.not fine.

things really sucks.they're wrong.and i've done all i could.i've been trying.even trying not to do anything,afraid that doing too much seems trying too hard. i am not good. i cant even tear now. i do not have the strength and i need it,to move on. so if u hear me lord, help me.

sometimes,it really makes me wonder.am i happier than i was before? does he really ever care..does he need me in his life at all..is this how he defines love,which is so different, soo very different from the others. am i or will i ever be important to somebody, somebody i really love? why am i always facing all these. i deserve every ounce of attention he can give, but he's not giving any at all.perhaps a little more than an ounce. i deserve love, the rightful treatment of a girlfriend, the unconditional care and concern just like how much i put in for him.

i really love him, unquestionable. But does he? an absolute mystery.

bittersweet

2007-11-17T17:14:00.000+08:00

dont you find it amazing how a blog catches all that kinda wonderful feeling and keeps it there forever when u enter an entry? i got reminded of the bittersweet memories of the last few entries i've posted..bitter and sweet indeed..

nothing is as magical as reading ur diary... it rekindles an old flame in your heart...

i remembered how we used to love,though it wasnt even long enough for me to forget...and i still love u the same way and even more..

it feels special when we're in love..
it is magical..when i witness our growth in faith n love for one another..

cheers to class politics! again.

2007-09-21T20:39:00.000+08:00

Hey all the cool and the not-so-cool crowd out there!I'm back. back back back.yes, my ass is right here.down here once and yet again!=) BIG HELLO FOLKS,dudes,bros,sisters,whatever. urgh. =T

anyways, looks like it's a pretty freezing war out there huh? people shunning each other and avoiding or they claim they are not but they are....and so on. But people, just like what justin sang about,what goes around comes around, babesssss.u know what i mean,right? Well, after all,we've been friends,u know,been thru the kinda thick n thin parts of our life in that damned f*cked up school. so,why forget bout the love we used to have. why do this to each other. This isn't a fun thing to do? i still wanna meet all of them up every now and then and i really wish i don't have to do the same thing twice just to cater to two groups of ppl who were actually very great friends before anything has happen,u know what i mean??????

love's the shit people..dont ever forget bout the love..

written somewhere in september..

can you feel me now....

2007-05-03T01:34:00.000+08:00

Ooohhh...i'm so busy so busy so busy.....
But i love my life being soo overly-occupied.(okay,i dont even think that's an english word but whatever.)
Hmmm,with another space in my world being filled up.My life becomes fuller again.
Perhaps,i'm finally completed.Perhaps,i've found the last peice of my puzzle.At least,i hope so.
=)

'' What did you say....
I know I saw you saying it...
My ears won't stop ringing...
Long enough to hear...
Those sweet words...
What did you say....

And now the day...
The hour hand has spun...
Before the night is done...
I just have to hear...
Those sweet words...
Spoken like a melody..."-----------Norah Jones,Those Sweet Words.

2007-04-30T18:09:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!---------RICA

2007-04-30T18:03:00.000+08:00

i luv erica!!!!!!!!!----KDY.

my love life is no where near the end............

2007-04-28T11:05:00.000+08:00

I wish i have a mountain to climb on,so i can shout "i love you" on it. So i can declare my love for you to the world ...in just 3 simple words. --------to the one i love,rica.

To the people whom i've not told, yes, i'm attached. The reason i've not really DECLARED the fact that i have a boyfriend is because i dont want unwanted attention. I know i'm not a celebrity or what, but friends would tend to pop up abruptly n ask me questions about us which i dont even intend to answer. Well, i'm just gonna make a brief introduction here and that's it. I'm getting on with life with him and u guys gotta find out who he really is when u get to see him yourself. =)

Alright,here it comes.He's 1.86. (yes,he's tall.i know. =D) He's thin and a lil dark cos he's in the navy right now.He's 20. n most of all HE'S NICE.SWEET.GREAT.FABULOUS.whatever.i dont care. He's just sooooooooooooooooo good to me.n yes,i love him. *grins* *grins very hard* *grins even harder*........yay!

Well, for those who were wondering how we met.hmmm, it's kinda funny how we've met. SERIOUSLY. believe me,you'll never believe it. OKAY, we met in a club. well,not just any club,but phuture. *LAUGHS* we were hard core grinding each other (well,maybe not so hardcore...) and we exchanged nos. after that. that's how we know each other. Details.call me.=) i'm not gonna pour out any more info here anymore. so call me if u wanna know more.Buzz me,whatever. =)

i finally updated.

Love's not about giving in,it's bout losing yourself.

2007-04-13T00:54:00.000+08:00

Alright,i'm still a lovey dovey person though my nic's a bit..hmm...well...negative.
But hey,reality check,the ugly truth is, this is always happening to unfortunate,hurt,heart-broken,wrecked,disappointed and numb ladies like me and a whole lot of others. Well,i guess my ladies will nod their heads frantically in consent when they've seen what i've typed.

Well, women are the funniest creatures. They praticed self-love sooo much so that they betrayed it in the end. And there they are wanting to uphold priciples and policies of their own,which at the end of the day,they themselves will throw their own efforts down the sewage line. Funny isnt it. Sometimes, i can just sit down n start laughing at my own stupidity when i make statements like "i'll never ever let a man stomp on my head." or or "i will never allow man to ruin my life".....and apparently, i am dumb enough to get stomped on twice,fooled twice n fucked up twice...See,women lose themselves willingly when it comes to men,but of course, only to the ones they love. i awfullly admit that i was once or even twice, willing to be ordered around by those heartless creatures. And this is what i meant LOSING yourself, losing your heart,body n soul. N even more,your mind,to a man.Not God or something.

ANYway~~~~like i've said, i'm still Erica Miss Dreamy. I do n always will,believe in L.O.V.E. To me it's a sacred place in my heart that comes with a boundary that's as high as the sky as wide as the world. ONLY the chosen one(woah!!sounds like LOTR....=o), will get to pass through and rewarded. And i think i have pretty high expectations now that i've been hurt awfully by two bastards. So,watch out guys. hahaha.....(as if guys will give a shit bout me...cheh.)

Well...to those who just lost someone they love or loved.Dont worry erica's phoneline is always open to all, 24/7, 365days. For those who just got a new found love,be it a man,a dog,a tamagochi pet dinosaur,or a new online game. Goodluck,n keep finding love.Love's everywhere,love's in the air,love's in your body,love's is in the things that u do and i love ya'll!!!!!

SOOO SPREAD THE LOVE BABES,JUST SPREAD THE LOVE!!

(like peanut butter !!! or u wanna spread butter oso can or KAYA!!............err...................ok,nt funny ar.)

Not exactly beautiful.

2007-04-11T02:56:00.000+08:00

Not exactly beautiful,
are those words i said to you......

Well.....it's soooo stagnant here n i cant stand it anymore.Anyways, let me do some serious catching up. The last time i blogged, i first started clubbing.Now, i'm addicted to it already.Damn.It's an expensive habit.Dont Dont n Dont ever ever ever, make it a habit.DONT. But the music , the dance, the sweat , the people, the place, the atmosphere, the everything was just soooo DAMN FUCKING RIGHT!!!!! urgh! u really get to feel like "there's no past no future" just like what they say in tokyo drift.haha.this is like damn stupid.

But aiya.....clubbing is so nice lah....urghhhh....well,got back to school n am really busy cos i have to juggle both work n studies at the same time. I'm not good at managing time n all my friends know that.....and as usual,i am always late for school n work...such a loser man... pfffft.....i wish i can just be on time. n yes! I'M STILL TRYING.

alright,guess it's enough for now...........aiya..lazy to blog man.life's not as interesting as before. Previously,there's people leaving the world without a word,there's homeless teenage seeking for shelter , BASTARDS WHO TWO-TIMED GIRLFRIENDS, and failing exams n stuffs. Now,everything's back to normal again.........no more living in grieve n sadness that overpowers me. Now,i'm just me,back to the origins.

YA, YOUR BITCH'S BACK AGAIN!

dont look away,you're the one to blame.

2007-03-20T13:40:00.000+08:00

"....well,happier...

But,still sometimes...things will trigger my brain and sadness evokes.
but i wont let it take over me
never again.or maybe not for long.
now,i appreciate the sunshine more the trees more the ppl more
i used to just sit there and only think of Dennis and Will and blah blah blah
but now...i just sit there.thinking bout many things.but no more them
i told myself it's time to get a grip.and i know i'm doing it so well...." ----conversation with
jamin a few weeks ago.

i dont moan n walk like a living dead.i dont dwell in hell anymore.i see the sun everyday i open my eyes.i hear my neighbours's irritating parrot making weird noises too.Not all my days start beautifully,but i dont cry n whine n get pissed at the slightest thing anymore. i dont go around blaming everyone else who have left me. i just learn miserably and evolved from that sadness into something beautiful.just like what those ugly n fat caterpillars did.that's how i make my day work. it's my own responsibility to make myself happy.

So dont turn away everytime you feel down cos u're the one to be blame.your happiness is in your hands.if you dont feel happy,dont blame the others .Just try to make yourself better cos afterall,u either enjoy or suffer all consequences.

wohoo.

2007-03-15T16:20:00.000+08:00

wohoo.wohoo.wohoo.

i'm like a bird. i'll only fly away.i dont know where my soul is.i dont know where my home is.

i was reading some of my previous posts online and was shocked by most of them. i was so so so dumb to actually spill every part of me out on this particular blog. Like literally everything,my life, my feelings, my deepest darkest dirtiest secret kinda stuffs. i was totally shocked at my unbelievably huge guts to actually write those posts.OH MY GOD. well,i supposed that's not a good thing. like i'm exposing myself and i'm like totally naked. oh,gosh. what have i done.

aftertaste of heaven is nothing at all....

2007-03-11T01:53:00.000+08:00

really nothing much to say today.wanted to club all night,but who knows,friends gotta a.c.c. their boyfriends. Oh,so who's left behind again. haha.
But worry not,i'm alright.for the first time,i'm alright.

"i want to get myself a boyfriend", i said to myself the other day. and so, i started looking out for one. i was so driven by the desperateness,that i started noticing every guy that's in front of my eyes. Each and every man seemed to be like those little puppies you see in the pet shop,kept behind a showcase. And i'm just slowly observing them through the nicely-polished glass windows,silently making up my mind. "Is it him? Strong and tough.Or him? Tall,dark,sophisticated-looking.Maybe him.He's young and cute.Could be just what i'm looking for.",wishful thoughts kept running in my brain while observing all of them. My thoughts halted after sometime,and i actually thought i was too tired to think. But no,i was thinking of someone.Someone who has the best boyfriend material. But hey,reality check,he's already someone's boyfriend now.
Sometimes,i cant help but believe in my best friend,Farhanah,and her favourite line,which says "See,i told you all the good man are taken.". But whether is it that all the men that i have loved are good men,still remains as a question i keep asking myself. Good men,bad men, i cant be the judge. My role was just to love them and now to hate them.

I say butter factory you say yes.

2007-03-09T11:11:00.000+08:00

life's never been so good.No boyfriends no fights no nothing.Troubles aside or far away.they dont come knocking on my door anymore.i love life this way.i just love it this way.

All that chill outs and that lil bit of dancing sessions in the clubs were what i needed most to feel good.And now,i feel great.i just love life this way.

Now i know,i finally know that if i dont go out there and just give everything my best shot,i'll never know whether i'd make it or not.And just staying at the exact spot,sulk and not moving on at all,wont make a fucking difference. So,i've made it.yes,i've made it.

Life has many phases and sometimes the fluctuations between the highs and the lows may make you feel nauseous but this is life.You either gotta live it or you gotta live it.you have no choice.the decision of when your life starts and ends lies in God's hands.and so,you've got no choice. However,some decisions you'll face will be whether you want to live life good or bad,to the fullest or just let life rot,think of the best or think of the worst each and everytime.These are questions faced everyday,and only you can answer them.

i've answered my questions and decisions have been made.that is why,Life's never been so great and i just love life this way.

The pieces don't fit anymore.

2007-02-27T00:04:00.000+08:00

i dont blame you anymore,cos i just figured out that everyone's selfish.
they know what's the best for them and they take what's best for them.
i understand,i really understand.

we were like two hurt and poor pathetic souls who needed serious company.Maybe, we were just manipulating each other. we were just fulfiling our own selfish needs because lonliness was too hard to deal with. it was all intentional. maybe.
somehow,i understood.but it took me long enough to understand.

So what if i'm being left alone to pick up the pieces.Does it really matter when the pieces dont even fit anymore?

in a cynical world like mine,no one ever did anything to benefit the anyone,they do things on their own,for their own.they fight,they snatch,they kill to get what they want.it all originates from the selfish needs within them and the evil selfish goals are what keep them going on. it'll never stop,unless the selfish thoughts stop multiplying. the cylce shall never end.

Finally trying hard to let go....

2007-02-23T02:22:00.000+08:00

Running away was never a resort to any difficult situations.However, it's the quickest way to find relieve......

I have been running away from the pain i needed to go through and to feel when i lost a friend bout almost a month ago. Tried to tell myself it wouldnt hurt at all,tried to convince myself it's merely another friend off your friendster list,still,it hurts now when the memories start haunting you...running away didnt last long,even the tranquilizer only works for a certain period of time.Feeling the pain now makes me realise how numb i was previously,how cold my heart had turned into...how cold...

After the cny,it's soo much better..slowly,i'll end the last chapter of this frienship and carry on with life.i know i'll be just fine...It's kinda weird for me to blog so late.(ok,this is soooo very random)
Reason is,i have to keep myself awake to study.Aw,shit.

Fucking exams are only one week away..How fast can time fly,seriously.I thought we just started sem 3 and now it's ending...NO WAY.Gosh,i'd better run now.the exams dates are just right behind my ass.

"We RK never sell any porku.
Vat curry you talkin about?
Fish curry,mutton curry,vat curry?
the special curry...the..erm...special curry you have..erm..the PORK curry.
U dont come here and disturrb me i telll you ar..
Vone morrre time i'lll calll the polllice i telll you.
I no serve you anymore,i no serve you anymore.
Vone more time i calll the police i tellll you."----RK house.

aftermath...

2007-02-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

Happy CNY. after a trip to malaysia,i think i've put on more weight.damn.Anyway, this trip had lighten my spirit so much. My laughter filled the lovely spring air. The tears of joy were shed so many time over the same joke. i really enjoyed. finally.

As i was looking out through the huge glass window,i saw an endless sea of green.
The leaves of the palm trees were swaying to the rythm of the nature's soft wind.
Hypnotised by the beautiful sight, memories started playing like an old 60's movie in my mind.
Those words you said sounded like a song,but now they only make me strong.
Slowly i closed my tired eyes, only open to see you walking further.
i turned away trying to forget and rubbed away the tears.
As i was winding down the huge glass window,i took a deep breath of the freezing air.
exhaled all the agonies and now, reborn and stronger.

"Young girl,don't cry.
i'll be right here when you world starts to fall.
Young girl,it's alright.
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly."------The voice within, Christina Aguilera

With a broken wing,I'll soar up high.

2007-02-08T00:41:00.000+08:00

Previously, i been in shit so many times.i'm totally tired.
Things started changing after the break-up. Hooked up with a new guy, changed personality, got closer with my classmates, became "cool-er" and many more..
Then things started to get worse when new guy stopped contacting me, ex-boyfriend started talking behind my back (he really hates me now), classmates and i couldnt hit off really well and of course, so much more.
And then things got slightlty a little better again, ex-boyfriend finally wanted to make peace,shake hands and be friends, classmates started to compromise, new guy came back as a friend.
But what the fuck, things hit the rock bottom ever since i heard one of my good friend's brother passed away. Before, i could be relieve from the shock, the next thing i knew was my best friend got chased out from the house and her parents were going to sent her to a home if she couldnt find anywhere else to stay. While worrying, my sister threw a tantrum on me and we quarrelled and she told me that she's not going to pay for my school fees for next semester.Well, it's not like she has a choice.She's too broke to pay for me.Which means that i may be school-less in April and i may not even get a Diploma. Due to desperate measures, i called up one of my friends for the social escort company's number.He didnt want to give it to me.Well,i apologise for acting on impulse.=) next,ex-boyfriend called again and decided not to be friends.

Just when, i thought that any,any kinds of problems can be solved, another problem jolly-well popped up.The new guy went away,telling me that we could never be together because of my negativity.He didint want to be influenced by me. And so he left, and joined the other girl. NEGATIVITY.

Tell me people.Tell me. If u have a friend who called you up late at night telling you his brother had just passed away.Would you or would you not be negative? What do you want me to do.Smile and tell him a joke to cheer him up?WHAT THE FUCK.NO?!

If u have a friend who called u up suddenly crying over the phone and sounded so lost because she just got chased out of the house.Would you or would you not be panic and think of the worst that could happen? What do you want me to do? sing her a song to comfort her? Like NEVER?!

If one day u start staring into space and suddenly it just dawn on u that your family is soo broke that they cannot afford you to continue your studies anymore,would you or would you not break down?

Everyone experiences harsh times and everyone needs a break.
i'm never a superwoman.and i will never be one.There is a limit to everything.And that was it.
And yes,i broke down,i sobbed,i covered myself in the blankets to hide the my shameful face.

So,to the so-called "new guy"-----Nice cooking up some stories bout negativity .You should have just fucking open your mouth and told me the truth.It'll only take a few seconds.why go through so much trouble telling me i'm negative or what.I DONT FUCKING CARE.no matter what,u're a jerk anyway.Does it make a difference?

Sometimes there are just some things u cant be positive about.If u're always positive about everything then u're living in a world of your own, a world full of self-denial. Some things, some situations, you just got to think of the worst so as to be prepared. N some things, just happen and they'll make you feel down..
But i always tell myself there's always a way out to everything,so is that what u called negative? I doubt so,dude, i doubt so.

After living on this surface of the earth for fucking 17 to 18 years,i never had anyone telling me that i'm negative.

U were always there when i'm down,vexed and when i hated the world.
But when i gain back my energy to love the world again,u chose to walk away.
All i can say is,"too bad, u werent here with me.It's just too bad.".
Your words aint gonna bring me down.
I'm good,i'm great,i'm positive,for all i care.

Right to be Wrong----Joss Stone

2007-02-08T00:34:00.000+08:00

I've got the right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though i've never flown

Got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone,i'm not made of stone
I've got the right to be wrong
So just leave me alone.

Got the right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I gotta break free
So i can finally breathe
Got the right to be wrong
I gotta sing my own song
Though i am singing out of key
But it just feels good to me
Got the right to be wrong
So just leave me alone

You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I cant turn back
i'm on a mission
If you care, dont you dare
Blur my vision
Let me see all that i can see
Dont smother me with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm gonna face it willingly

I've got the right to be wrong...
So just leave me alone...

专属天使

2007-02-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

我不会怪你　
对我的伪装　
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽　而你纤细善良　
怎能让你为了我被碰伤

小小的手掌　
厚厚的温暖　
你总能平复我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想　
透过你的眼光　
我才看见它原来在前方

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁　
你是我的专属天使　
唯我能独占　
没有谁能取代你在我心上　
拥有一个专属天使　
我哪里还需要别的愿望

小小的手掌　
大大的力量　
我一定也会像你一样飞翔
你想去的地方　
就是我的方向　
有我保护笑容尽管灿烂

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁　
你是我的专属天使　
唯我能独占　
没有谁能取代你在我心上　
拥有一个专属天使　
我哪里还需要别的愿望

要不是你出现　
我一定还在沉睡　
绝望的以为　
生命只有黑夜

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁　
你是我的专属天使　
唯我能独占　
没有谁能取代你在我心上　
拥有一个专属天使　
我哪里还需要别的愿望~~~

i'll be your angel,if only you will let me.
i'll be your angel,if only i fit to be.
i'll be your angel,if only you need me.
if only ,if only.
too many,"if only"s.

drunken confessions

2007-02-03T12:04:00.000+08:00

Right....this week was damn great.More sungei road best finds and with less than 20 bucks.
Kim and i bought 10 bags! That was something we really should pat each other's shoulder about.
We did great that day.i know we did.

When there's something to be happy about.There's always something you should start worrying.

Well,not exactly when u dont give a damn to the world now.Hmmmm, what else.More class politics when the project dues are drawing near. More unnecessary quarrels, worries, BFs---which is the initial of BITCH FITS. Seriously,it was never my fault for starting the project late.I SWEAR TO GOD,NEVER. The weird meetings we had which we ended up digressing like hell,was obviously the cause lah! like what-the-fuck DURH! Classic one was, we went all the way to orchard from school just to have our project meeting.Ended up,we were happily enjoying our BK meals and talking bout how humungus the Large coke used to be and they down-size it to a medium now =( and how pretty and stylish Dolce and Gabanna can get.We were so caught up with our own little chitty-chats and the project just seemed like a million light years away.

Well, maybe it's a bit of my fault,for always talking so much.
And after that particular project meeting,we had more similar meetings later on.
So,when the project due was only one week away,people start to panic for no good reasons, walking from left to right and right to left just to think, and frantically shaking their heads even when they're shitting in the toilet. People get so stressed up and they start hating each other.

Meetings became political, became painful, became a dread. I despise meetings,despise facing those angry faces, hate hate hate to handle such troublesome stuffs. Those little chitty-chats sessions became shouting-at-each-other showdown.People were no longer friendly.Your groupmates were not your groupmates anymore.They were monsters.

Well,i'll clench my fists and grip on tight.i'll brave through all storms. (like i havent brave through enough.hai) And when it is all over, i'll kneel down and make a silent prayer.
"Thank God,you've brought me here."

the other side.

2007-02-03T11:56:00.000+08:00

Step aside..
and feel the other side of the world.
You're walking, talking
can you hear what i've said.
Tell me now
Are you done with all the things in your head, man
Cos I am still here for you to save.

I....
I....
am blinded by love, trusted the wrong man.

I...
and I...
am gonna leave you behind at the back of my head.

Are you ready?
Are you ready?

Cos I....
I...
am gonna leave you behind and feel the other side of the world.

blah blah Road Best Finds!!!!!!!!

2007-01-27T17:57:00.000+08:00

1ST) First on the list.
Vintage Bonia Small Draw-string Sling Bag
For only FUCKING 5 BUCKS!!!
2ND) Second on the list.
Old-school/Vintage Sling Bag Or Carry Bag
For FREAKING 3 BUCKS!!!!!
3RD) Last on the list
Old school sling bag
For 4 bucks.
though it's not a very great find,it's STILL SO AMAZING.

Total cost: 12 bucks.
repeat: 12 BUCKS
one more time: 12 BUUUUUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!I CANT BELIEVE IT!

i love blah blah road.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

2007-01-25T18:09:00.000+08:00

Fuck.
Why do most of the men in my life despise me?
Fuck.
Why am i always not appreciated by the men i loved.
Fuck.
Why do i have to need a man?
Fuck.
Why do i let them affect me so much?
Fuck.
Why did God created man?
Fuck.
Why does shit happen all the time.
Fuck.
Why cant i just find the fucking right man.
Fuck.
Dont i deserve to be loved properly,for MOTHER-FUCKING once?
Fuck.
i'm losing balance.
Fuck.
I'm losing all my senses.
Fuck.
i'm losing all the control.
Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.

Street lamps

2007-01-22T13:42:00.000+08:00

Behind those shades are those dying eyes
As the cold breeze brushes her face
the hot tears made her shiver inside
Alone in a corner with no scrutinized eyes
She allowed herself to crumple and fall this time

no more walking away
no more walking away

Hands in her face blocking away the shame
fell hard on her knees too tired to runaway
Every breathe she took she felt the pain
Regretting taking all the chances in vain
she let herself slow and die this time

no more pushing the pain away
thinking back again

The street lamps lit up the pathway
She took the same route back again.
Through her eyes,the world's upturned.
When the world gains back it's sanity,
she lost her gravity and touched the ground...
ever so softly.....

"So dont you bring me down today"----Christina aguilera, Beautiful.

2007-01-18T18:22:00.000+08:00

Why is everyone back to their childhood days?Why are they acting like fucking childish freaks now.Is it a new trend or what? Or is it just me seeing things from another perspective that those freaks cant. We dont have to wait on the world to change,it's already changing now.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'll admit i'm a slut if u want me to..i've did incorrigible things to people and i know.U think by criticizing will make me cry n whine n get angry n start swearing.Well,try harder. Believe it or not,i've blamed n hated myself more than anyone could.So go ahead n condemn me if u want,
for i am immune to your words.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

=)

Miscommunication.

2007-01-13T17:57:00.000+08:00

Conflicts usually occurs when there's a miscommunication.
People argue,quarrel,fight,shout,scream just to get the message across.
Some just choose to remain silent. and that was their message.
Often,those who are engaged in a conflict refused to iron things out in a nicer manner.
Ironically,that is the only way.
They have to make a scene,they have to make an ugly scene.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's always nice to see someone in the same horrible boat as you.
Because u finally found someone who understands how you feel.
But just when you're happy about it, u found out that the person had took the only life jacket on the boat and u're left with absolutely nothing but abundant time to welcome death.
And as the storm approaches, the useless sampan had capsized and u see that person drifting away and away,further and further.While,the poor you had been hit by the waves,sinking deeper n deeper into the sea.

Life just work this way.
Unexpected,tortuous,irreversible.

2007-01-12T23:28:00.000+08:00

Often i stare at the computer screen,wondering what the fuck should i write tonight.
wondering what would make people read and give some deep thoughts bout it the next day.
And often,i couldnt write anything at all.
Just like now. =)

i've got trouble trouble trouble.....
keep on knocking on my door.

i violated the rule of his game.
i was the only player n the referee.
and i gave myself a red card.

"钢琴上黑键之间永远都夹著空白" ----曹格

2007-01-11T22:39:00.000+08:00

背叛

雨不停落下来
花怎麼都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人欣赏悲哀

爱只剩下无奈
我一直不愿再去猜
钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹著空白
缺了一块就不精采

紧紧相依的心如何Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句 Say goodbye
当作最後一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管
只要你能愉快

心有一句感慨
我还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段还在不在

紧紧相依的心如何Say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句 Say goodbye
当作最後一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管
只要你能愉快

只要你能愉快 ....

maybe shulyn's right.
maybe i like this song because i could relate to it very well.
maybe i'm still guilty cos' i've sinned too much.
maybe i'll never open my heart to someone again.

In dilema not heaven.

2007-01-10T13:20:00.000+08:00

just like all the other girls.i do have cravings for man too.
who doesnt wanna indulge in the realm of love?
every girl,has their own fairytale back in their head.EVERY GIRL.

Mine's a pretty plain one.If i were to strike out the already pathetic romantic n erotic scenes,i'll be left with,Prince Charming n i got married,two kids - a boy n a girl,and we're very much in love even in our after lives and there it goes...the cliche..."HAPPILY EVER AFTER." Done.

If ever a mathematician were to equate love with something,it would be ironic. love=ironic.
If ever a scientist were to find out the elements of love. they will either have no answers or way to many answers to ever come to an conclusion.
If ever a person tries to figure out how come she cant afford to deal with the word "love".Come tell me the answer.

nobody's got to belong to somebody else.

2006-12-22T11:06:00.000+08:00

Previously,life's been chaotic,fun,dangerous, all in all, cool. Now,when the festival's fever is over,everybody's back on schedule,tied down by datelines and constantly crying for holidays to extend--which will never ever happen. It's like a cycle,for every 2 months i study,i get a month of break. So,after every 2 months i'll go crazy for a month and i'll get smack back to school again and the cry goes on and on till the holiday break again.Well,the cycle ends this october,i hope.

"i belong to me.I dont belong to you.My heart is my possession.i'll be my own reflection."---jessica simpson.

So true,i been cooped in his cage for so long.i've been allowing him to dominate me.Now,i've freed my soul n his.i'm glad i did.

i'm no more under the scrutinized eyes.
i fall apart whenever i want now.

He raised me up just to watch me fall.

2006-12-18T16:21:00.000+08:00

So people,what's with the "Erica,you should really slow down."? Just reflect.Look, what you guys have said to me and what you guys are doing.They just dont tally at all.

Kim and adri,rach and doug,si shan and boyfriend, my ex and girlfriend. HA HA HA. Look, who's really left on the shelf now. Slowing things down huh? these people only knew each other for bout a month or so...some worse.

look what's happening.

xxxxxxxxx

Love---last thing i'd wish for this Christmas. Yet,the only thing i wished for.

confused by contradiction.
finally,i'm going bonkers.

Carry on.

2006-12-15T01:18:00.000+08:00

"3 fs aint nothing.",Yong said.
"You shouldnt let things like failing your exams put you down and spoil your mood.".

Right,what else.Study harder lor.BLEAH. =/

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sigh...........jamin sorta told me off this morning.Argh, it is always bad to know the truth.The truth about yourself, the truth that u're trying so hard to hide cos' ure too afraid people might know.Well, things happens and u'll reveal your true colours.

Paranoid,paranoid,paranoid. That's all i am,all the time. i have no explanations why i think so much everytime. I'm quite sick of my "paranoid-ness".It always get me into trouble.i wish i could get rid of it.sigh.

the cruelty of reality
the brutishness of truth
the wake up call.

So erica gets high tonight.

2006-12-13T23:50:00.000+08:00

I'm a so high now.I had coffee..Starbuck's Toffeenut Latte Venti size!!! I'm having a slight migrain now too..it's so fun to get high.........

"When darkness turns to light.It ends tonight.....a little insight will make things right.It's too late to fight.It ends tonight." ---It ends tonight,All-American Rejects.

Guess what?! Erica has three big F*cking Fs for her results. haha.three Fs.haha.three Fs.
i'm so screwed.

So Merry Christmas everyone and leave me alone. I dont care if i'm being so emo now,i dont care if i'm being childish now,i dont care.I'm so f*ckin dead now.i dont wanna care anymore.f*ck the world.FUCK.

I'm cool.

2006-12-13T13:27:00.000+08:00

"You dont know me.You dont even care. She said:"You dont know me.You dont wear my chains.".-----Boston, Augustana.

Disappointment --- one thing that i can handle so well. Yong lin said:"I'm so sorry,Erica.I'm so sorry that you always have to face disappointments in your life.".
Yong,it's okay.I'm cool.

No matter how deep the wound is,it'll heal. Scars will remain to remind you not to go back to that phase of your life again.

i'm ready.

Where did i go wrong? i lost a friend.

2006-12-12T11:30:00.000+08:00

It's obvious the message was,"i dont want to talk about it.".
but why? I need to know the reason why this is happening.

If you think that telling me the reason why will hurt me,think bout it.
Not telling me and leaving me hanging is even worse,isnt it?
I'd rather i get it right to my face.
I just cant keep making wild guesses.It's driving me crazy.

"Was it something i said to make you turn away.To make you walk out and leave me cold.If i could just find a way to make it so that you were right here right now."----Gone, Nsync.

Last Christmas, the same thing happened. Ridiculously, the same thing happened this year again. It's like a curse. Ouch.

Christmas,a season that spreads love and happiness.A time to appreciate the fruitful year everyone had. A time to celebrate and bond with friends and families.
Left alone to enjoy the season of love and bonding,how ironic.

DAMMIT.

2006-12-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

I dont want to fall in love.Gosh,i really dont want to. I really hate myself for not practising enough self-control.But, now it's too late.

Look at me now,i'm all flustered. My head over my heels.DAMN.

Argh!! Fuck.

dreaming with a broken heart.

2006-12-10T23:17:00.000+08:00

---I made a wish upon a fallen star.
Like it,my dream was shattered.
Now,I gotta learn to pick up the pieces alone.--- moonstricken again.

Reality slapped me on friday evening. I was working as usual. There was this moment,i was left alone at my cashier counter as my colleagues were busy with their own stuffs. Nothing to do, i picked up the phone and i dialled 9880722.....I stopped immediately when i realised it was Dennis's (my ex bf's) number. I put down the phone to think. For the past 1 year plus, i have been attached to someone,both physically and mentally. It was a habit to dial that number first whenever and wherever i feel that i needed someone. It was like my own special 18oo helpline.

For the first time in 21 months,i felt alone. With nobody to fall back on,just myself to deal with all the emotions.this time,i'm alone.I started rumaging through my brain,who should i call to talk to,and i only came up with three names. They're Kim,Jamin and the other shall remain unknown. These three people are the closest people to me and i treasure them most.i want to include them in whatever i do and whatever i'm thinking. So i started to dial unknown's number.Half way dialling,i put down the phone again.i decided not to call him so abruptly as he might be too busy to entertain me. So i called Jamin. Half way dialling, i put down the phone again. i realised he's not free on friday nights as he will be having some church sessions. Of course, the next one would be Kim. We talked on the phone for about a few pathetic minutes and i gotta hang up cos' there were already a queue forming up in front of the cashier.

Digressing a lil' bit here.

Anyway,Helplines.Have you ever wondered,how many Helplines do you have?
Well, people may enter your life easily and make life really hard for you when they leave suddenly.
People may tend to pretend they're there for you and put on a fake smile when they see you.You'll never know.People may be nice to you in a minute and the next minute they're bitching behind your back.You'll never ever know too. So i guess i have to say, dont believe a person that easily,one might be there for a moment and be gone for the next.

Be on guard and watch your back.

With my Helplines decreasing to 2, i finally know what's a loss.With my hopes decreasing to zero, i finally learn how to face the world alone again. I've seriously learnt my lessons.

truth

2006-12-10T00:22:00.000+08:00

Since the title today is truth.i shall spit out all the truth bout myself.
Below are reasons why any guy should not have me as their girlfriend :

1.i can never be a good girlfriend because i'm super darn possesive.
2.i have mood swings everytime period's near.
3.i can be irritating because i need to talk to my bf at the end of the day.(well,a short chat at least)
4.i am not like the girly girls. not the typical kinda girl u can easily find at orchard road.
5.i want my bf to be there whenever i'm not feeling right.(if one cant be there,at least have a good reason and explain it.)
6.i may be demanding at times.(usually during the mood swings)
7.i do bitch behind people's back.( though not most of the time)
8.i do use vulgarities(this is sooo common.)
9.i will tend to compare our relationship with other couples'.
10.my english is poor.
11.i'm not good lookin at all.i am very self-conscious.i have very low self-esteem.basically, ZERO confidence in myself.
12.i am very fickle-minded.(i depend on my friends,a lot, to make up my mind.)
13.i believe that some things are needless to say cos' actions speak louder than words.AND, let the eyes do the talking.
14.i dont like being controlled too much or the feeling of being tied down too tightly.
15.I'm quite emotional.
16.i have very very wild imaginations.erm bad,wild ones.
17.i am super paranoid.
18.i'm lazy.
19.i dont do housework.
20.i think i'm spoiled.

Below are reasons why a guy should go for me:

1.Well,though i'm not good-looking and stuffs like that,i do have a little bit of fashion sense.
2.i love enjoying silence. esp,on a beach or smth.
3.i love beaches.
4.i'm quite a romantic person.
5.i cant sing for f*ck.but i love singing.
6.i dont like guys paying anything for me.
7.i love going GUY SHOPPING!
8.i'll always think that my partner is the "best-est" person on earth, in all the aspects.
9.i'll make try my best to make my partner feel great around me.
10.i'll put in 200% of effort, love,whatever (if i have the chance to) into every relationship.
11.i'm very protective over people i know.(be it friends or bfs.)
12.i just love being together with my partner and it really doesnt matter where we're going.
13.i like being different from people.

below are things that i like bout myself

1.i like my hair.
2.i like my calves.Though,my skin's too dry.
3.i like my teeth.
4.i like my smile.
5.i like my ears,nose,lips,eyes.
6.i like the fact that i love nature.
7.i like my sense of humour.
8.i like being simple-minded(at times).
9.i like my allergy to coffee. =))))
10.i like the way i do things when i'm super devoted to it. for eg, loving someone and singing.

below are things that i hate bout myself

1.i hate my body,too fat.
2.i hate the fact that i cant dance.
3.i hate my eyebrows.
4.i hate not having double-eye lids.
5.i hate my thighs,filled with cellulite!
6. i hate my arms,flabby like hell.
7.i hate being so naive.
8.i hate feeling so dumb.
9. i hate being so gullible most of the times.
10.i hate being so paranoid all the time.
11.i hate my imagination--too wild.
12.i hate it when i cant sing as well as others.
13.i hate the fact that i cant cook.

i'm just another step for you to get to heaven.

2006-12-08T12:07:00.000+08:00

With things going so fast around me,i felt like i'm being left behind.A classic example would be, my best classmate,adri, and my 'best-est' friend of all,kim, getting together.

They knew each other for about 2 weeks, i guess. They were just two individuals who encouraged me not to turn back to the relationship i walked out of,a couple of weeks ago.They were also the ones who came right up to my face and warned me about going out with males whom i dont really know. They were just acquaintances, barely even friends.

A couple of conference calls, three of us had,broke the ice. There were many moments that i counldnt be there for 5 mintues,and they started talking and introducing themselves politely,with no intentions at all. As more and more 'brief introductions' took place, the more they got to know each other ,the more they continued talking ,they more they enjoyed each other's company over the phone, and the more they like each other.And, the cycle went on.Soon, without anyone knowing,not even themselves, they're slowly creeping into each other's life. AND POOF! now, they're together.
They're going out,appearing in the public as a couple,addressing themselves as a couple,well, just doing things a couple should and would do.

Being a friend,looking at them parading as a couple,i'm more than happy.But deep inside,i felt loneliness.it's like i lost two good friends.they'll be busy with their new partner and they just cant wait to explore each other's world.And here i am,left behind.

Face the fact then, i told myself.Come to think of it,it wouldnt be that bad being left behind. i'll get to enjoy most of the good stuffs alone.=)
Most importantly,i'll be able to protect both of them from the back.Just in case both of them fall at the same time,they'll have me to fall back on.

If only my wish will come true this Xmas.

2006-12-05T22:40:00.000+08:00

Christmas is round the corner.What are your wishes to Santa?
Mine's simple.i just wish that i can be older in all kinds of way.
''...all kinds of ways'' means, my body,my brain and my age.
i wanna be better looking,i wanna be wiser,simply,older.
That's not a lot to ask for.right?

but if only that'll can come true.i'll be happier.i'll have lesser worries.perhaps,worry-free.

anyway,17,considered a minute number when it comes to age. I think like a 17,act like a 17,talk like a 17.There's no way my wish will come true.i wanna be 21 or maybe 25 or even 30.i wanna feel mature and be mature.Cos' now i'm all about lame childish jokes and stupid, meaningless conversations.=(

God put me to a test lately.He took a guy,that treated me like trash,away from me. And he replaced it with someone so unbelievably great into my life.Its a real deal huh? but,wait,it sounds too good to be true.

it's just like the way they always have terms and conditions to the free gifts.
you may not be entitled to them in certain ways.
this time round,i couldnt get it cos i'm underage.
cos,i'm 17.not 18 not 19 not 20 or 21.I'M FREAKIN 17.

So,do dreams come true or what?or reality and dreams are just impossible to meet.

God, i dont get what you trying to do here.Are you pulling my leg?
well,if u are.please stop.=/

i just want this xmas to be more perfect than ever,
to be the best one i'll ever have in my 17 years of living.=(

The final episode's over.

2006-12-04T19:05:00.000+08:00

After having soo much drama in my life lately,the final episode's finally finally over.
FINALLY.

He got it.He dropped it.and left it alone.Finally.i breathe again.
It's a BIG sigh of relief.PHEWWWW.

Thanks for everyone who has participated in the "play".i really appreciate all of the things each and everyone has done.=)for example,his best friends and family who tried their very best to persuade me and my friends and loved ones who tried their best to stop me from going back to him.yah,i need to thank him too.for letting me learn my lessons well.anyway,thanks for the concern and stuffs,people.

now that i'm REALLY REALLY free,not attached,absolute single.I cant wait to do all the things i chucked away for the sake of him.Like a tattoo or smth? or or,a naval piercing? OOOH YAHHHHHH! dye my hair RED!=D

Life has more to come,
i'll rock on.
Find my real one,
Treat him like my God.

-a big wide smile,with teeth and no eyes.-

phew.

2006-12-03T01:01:00.000+08:00

i didnt know what happened earlier on today.i just cant sign in into my msn.hotmail and friendster.but now it's fine.Thank God.It's been a real long day,i need rest.gotta go.just to drop by here and tell you guys that:

1.little_blue_sky_s789@msn.com is still in use.

2.those who i've added to my the other msn account,erica_janael@hotmail.com,can ignore the requests.

3.you can still always send me mails to my alternative accounts.=)

erica signin off.

My gosh.

2006-12-02T13:17:00.000+08:00

I cant believe this is happening.i cant sign in into my msn.i cant sign in into my hotmail.i cant sign in into my friendster.weird! all three have the same username and password. and why would anyone want to do this? to all three of them?? at the same time????

WA LAO WHEYYYYYYYY.

THANKS AR, THESE STUPID FREAKOS.

anyway.u guys can email me at erica_janael@yahoo.com.sg.

add me in msn people! here's the address. erica_janael@hotmail.com.

=)

stop bugging me.

2006-11-30T19:03:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, Faye is a straight and perfectly normal girl.She's also pretty and cute.And if i'm not wrong she's attached.But not to me,to a guy.OKAY.

Okay,TODAY WILL BE THE DAY THAT I'LL SAY THIS INTO EVERYBODY'S FACE!I AM PISSED.ESPECIALLY TO,"YOU KNOW WHO".

Please leave me alone before i retrieve the only chance for us to be friends ok?!I live my own life.I make my own decisions. Stop being a kid and grow up please,for heaven sake's.i'm not trying to put you down and insult you.it's just that all the things you've done infuriates me.Because,you didnt give me a break at all.i'm suffocating. and your family,your friends and you are just soooo pushy.

U GUYS ASKED ME TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE AND DONT LEAVE HIM WITHOUT A CHOICE.THEN WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME A CHANCE AND GIVE ME A CHOICE IF I DO THAT????

I dont want to go back.I dont want.WITH OR WITHOUT "THE DREAM GUY".GET IT?! Just stop pestering me before i get really nasty to all of you ok?

please,just LEAVE ME ALONE.let me enjoy my life.my freedom.MY LIBERTY.

And i'm not an object okay?! Dont treat me like a trophy or something?! What?! whoever who wins the competition gets me is it? I dont want to choose anymore,I HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN.
i have chose to be left alone alright?it's my problem,who i talk to,or who i go out with.i dont want to be tied down so fast until i think that the time is right.

I'M NOT ATTACHED NOW OKAY?! STOP TELLING THE WHOLE WORLD THAT I AM!
so what if i met a new guy? it doesnt mean that we're together or what.ok. and who the hell knows whether he likes me or not.maybe he's just a nice person that's all lah! we're not together ok.let me get this straight.

Pursuing Neverland.

2006-11-29T00:56:00.000+08:00

i'm sleeping with my eyes wide open,
i'm dreaming of you with my heart broken.
i'm fading away as the beats soften,
i'm hiding from death i dont wanna be taken.

what's the point of chasing when the heart had turned grey,
there's nothing left for you if she has went away.
Dont be oblivious to the the scars that still remain,
just leave her alone as she prayed.

without you,i disgust my life
holding on,that's what i do all the time.
singing to myself in the rain,
dancing alone,feeling the pain.

She said:"you gotta learn how to move on."
i said:"all i want is to hang on."
She said coldly:"i'm not leading you on."
He said sobbing:"i want to be led on."

At the very end of the day,
it all comes back to be the same.
I'm still sleeping with my eyes wide open.
I'll still fixing dreams that are broken.

Dennis,this is my last gift to you.i hope you understand i cant give you anything anymore.
Please learn to move on.I'm sorry.i know i'm being a bitch right here right now.but i dont want to do things i dont want at all.i'm so so sorry.i want to be friends.just great,best friends.sorry.

trust me.

2006-11-28T00:44:00.000+08:00

Okay,i'll just type whatever i'm going through now alright?

First,i thanked God when i met you.and i'm still thanking him now.=)
well,i know it's kinda weird to know that u're actually someone else's dream.i'll freak out too,if i were you.and i know u're still bewildered by the fact that i admire you quite a lot.erm,the reason behind all these stuffs, is simple,it's just you LOR.haha.

Secondly,i'm still in a state of shock.and things are already almost half done when i realised that we merely know about each other.but that's okay,i REALLY ENJOYED my time with you.so thank you for all that.i really appreaciate it.REALLY.

thirdly,just to let u know a little extra something,i'm not the girl that cheats on guy.trust me.i know it's hard for you to believe a person,esp a girl,anymore.but u can count on me.=)haha.if you think i'm worth lah.i'm quite hard to handle cos sometimes i'll demand things my way,i'll have sudden mood swings,and may disappoint you.i'm not a super interesting person,not those girls with colourful life and tonnes of things to talk about all the time.sometimes,i'll just keep quiet and enjoy silence.i'm also not sporty enough for you i guess.haha.i'm quite a shrewd sometimes too.hee.so if you ever thought bout something more,think again and be prepared for the worst.

lastly,i know none of us is ready for anything to happen yet.
well,i quiver a bit whenever i think what would happen to us.my imaginations are damn freaking wild,and they dont like to look on the bright side of life.so,i'm so afraid that bad things would happen.i rather stay like this for now and in the near future.well,i'm not trying to say that i've fallen for you or i really want you as my special someone or anything that's somewhere that line.
i'm just trying let you know how i really really felt.in fact,i know both of us still quite unsure bout our feelings too.hmmmmmm

anyway, i hope my conversation with you last night didnt bore you.i know you're super tired.besides,sounding tired you sound weird too.not exactly like you.but it's okay lah.
and i know you're tired of me complaining and stuffs.well,maybe i'm still a kid.we'll talk about something else the next time we talk okay?i'm really sorry bout last night.sorry.

erm,yeah,i want you to read this cos i really dont know how to tell you verbally.

now that everything's fine,and the coast is finally clear,i'll be alive once again.---erica.

Lavender,personified.

2006-11-26T14:19:00.000+08:00

ooh lavender please forget me,
for i'm not worth to thee.

i'm not air,not water,not sunlight,
that makes you live.

ooh lavender please do not reminisce.
please do not bloom for me again,
for i shall not see.

i'm forced to leave you,let you wither and watch you die.
and as i watched,i tried my best to mend my broken heart.

When the winter comes,
and till the summer's gone,
i'll still remember the smell of thee.

Lost and Found.

2006-11-26T03:05:00.000+08:00

When i was lost for a moment in my life,
your eyes i followed.

It took me to a paradise,
i've never known.

A place worry-free,
a place where i can only see your smile.
A place where i can be myself for a while.

whenever troubles seemed to find me there,
i'll be safe because i'm in your arms.

And through the rain and storm,
i want us standing strong.

In a place worry-free,
a place where we always smile,
a place where we can be alone all the while.

erica-----moonstruck.
i've tried my best writing it.but it seems like i've got no more brain juice.heeeeeee=D

Obliged

2006-11-26T02:11:00.000+08:00

Streets covered with shimmery lights,
heart needs to beat with a rythm.

As i walk along this crowded pathway,
i can only hear silence.

Thinking of what lies ahead,
it sent chills all the way down to my feet.

Thinking of what it used to be,
made me feel sick.

Already given up,but still was forced to hang on.
what's the point of doing so,
when everything's all gone.

Just spare me a life,
just spare me a life.
i'm begging you.
just spare me a life.

answers to your questions.

2006-11-26T01:37:00.000+08:00

okay,ask me why i like you?
cos' you're perfect.
well,to me you are.

ask me when it actually happened?
i'm not too sure myself.
it just happened.
it's just like every little detail u tell me bout yourself just made me fall deeper and deeper.
and suddenly,i realised i cant really get you out of my head.

hmmm..okay,i'm not good at talking bout this kinda stuffs.
And all the above just couldnt come out of my mouth when u bombed me these questions.
so,i'll have to answer here.

it's mushy right.yeeeee.i think sooo.haha.
anyway,i'm not a good girl.
i just know i'm not.
and time will prove it to you.

i'm tired.

2006-11-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

i've lost all my inspirations.i thought of writing a new song or poem.SHIT.
time literally flies.this few days were mentally straining(is it said this way?).
FINALLY,post-breakup stuffs are over.
well,nothing much to update anyway.i'll go to my room and try'na think of some new songs or poems.

I WANT TO IMPROVE MY ENGLISH.

Lethal injection,bittersweet affection.

2006-11-23T14:54:00.000+08:00

dude,this girl here,with a hole in her heart,is not turning back no more.So if u know who u are. Take a step back,aight? we can still be friends,though it's hard. I'm sorry,but i'm glad i told u after your exams.

"Women,they will come and they will go."---the corrs.
Dude,understand that i am the last person on earth that wants to see you hurt.well,all i gotta say is i love you so much and i just cant go any deeper anymore.i dont want to see myself suffering again, tying myself down to something surreal.

Erm,i just cant give anymore cos' there's nothing left.get what i mean?
i didnt regret spending the past 21 months with you.
Somehow,it makes me stronger.
Thanks,in a way or two.
Now,go ahead and live your dreams.
i'm your past,leave me behind.

Twisted.Carlos Santana ft Anthony Hamilton

2006-11-22T23:45:00.000+08:00

Woke up this morning with this pain inside my heart

Never felt that they would go and now leave you in the dark

You told me that you needed me

and I showed you I'd be there
But Now you've got me wrapped up in this crazy love affair

See lately Ive been thinking about the things you do to me

How we been through all this ups & downs

and I was to blind to see

But now my visions better

so I'm writing you this letter

By the time you get home Ill be gone and my life will be much better

It's one of those days

these are games that we play

[chorus]

There's one thing I want you to know now

before I pack my bags and go
Girl you got it all wrong

got it all wrong

got it all twisted baby

I gave you everything

even gave you my ring

For better or for worse baby gave you my name

Get through every season summer winter spring & fall

& one thing you can say is

I was with you through it all

I'll miss your touch,

ill miss your ways

these games with love

that we can't play

I ve gotta walk away

I ve gotta leave

so I can find my way

to still believe

Because I love you to much

and aint no love with no trust

Theres one thing I want you

to know now before I pack my bags and go

Girl you got it all wrong

got it all wrong

got it all twisted baby

One thing I want you to know now

before I pack my bags and go town

Girl you got it all wrong

got it all wrong

got it all twisted

Lethal injection,

bitter sweet affection

all in the wrong direction

but we had our connection

Try not to be affected

oh but I guess I was

Now I know what my momma meant when she told me bout love

Take your time don't rush in

get to close & youll get burned

Now Ive got a heart ache - you live you learn

Thought that I was cheated

but baby not this time

it s just your insecurities your keep messing with your mind

Your driving me away

& there's nothing left to say

Theres one thing I want you

to know now before I pack my bags and go

Girl you got it all wrong

got it all wrong

got it all twisted baby

got to go now about the walk away

baby its about that time

packing up everything I own

taking everything gotta go now baby

connection.

2006-11-22T01:13:00.000+08:00

the lips connection.
babe,it's perfection.
the way they touched.

the eyes connection.
it's confession,
of love.

the ears connection,
we hear the rythm.
together,we melt.

the nose connection,
breathe in inspirations,
when they meet.

the skin connection,
nice sensation,
when your hands relax in mine.

a weird connection,
without explanation,
the love's beginning.

caught in the middle.

2006-11-21T23:51:00.000+08:00

like the rain comes down in the blazing sunshine,
fire burning in the freezing moonlight,
a desert in the middle of Artic.
like a hot chocolate frappe.
like a thermometer that reads 100 degrees celcius in a bottle of ice.
stop treating me like neither hot nor cold.

i wished i've got a crystal ball to see what the future holds.
i wished that i could have an eraser to erase things that were done wrong.

i cant fall in love anymore,especially in you.

rocks or bored?

2006-11-21T23:28:00.000+08:00

the nights just come and go,
the eyes wont even wink.
my emotions overload,
when silence stomped in.

it's more like an alarm,
you hear in the morning.
it shouts,"wake up!
and no more dreaming."

your existence is always absent,
like a student who hates school.
as i reminisce the past,
i taste bitter more.

i walk alone now,
accompanied by our past.
i'm not turning back,
i'm not turning back.

erica---moonstricken.

news news for everyone.

2006-11-21T01:17:00.000+08:00

first and for most, i've broken up with Dennis.

secondly,i'm single again.

thirdly,i'm happy.guys,dont worry.i'm really fine this time.

anyway,i met this guy.he's nice.i dont really know him yet.but i'm seriously attracted to him.he's everything i've ever wanted.well,for now it seems like it.the problem is,i dont even know him that well yet.does love really exists this way?is he really going to treat me as seriously as i treat him as,or is he gonna dump me when he gets all of me?i repeatedly asked myself these questions. and i seriously do not know the answers. he may just be a sweet-talker that talks me out on everything. or actually he's a Mr.nice-guy.i hope time will tell.seriously i've got nothing to lose this time round.i would really want to give it a shot.but maybe i'm just on a rebound.but i seriously like him alot.he's my dream guy.HE IS.

Hmmm,but i'm so confused.i barely know him yet and things are just like a roller-coaster,going faster and faster,scarier by the seconds,so many big highs and lows.i really want to know him inside out.i really want to be with him if God give us a chance.but am i ready for it to happen yet? will it be a grand opening to my next phase of life,or will it be just a real huge closure to my love life.Lord,if only i could tell the future,if only i could read your mind.

how to save a life?

2006-11-01T12:54:00.000+08:00

if there's only one thing i could learn in this very second,i would want to know how to save a life.
how to save my life.
i'm stuck at this stage that i keep asking myself should i or should i not give up my o level maths paper.i need someone now.someone who understands me,and tell me what to do.i wish someone would just know how i feel right now.and stop blaming me for not starting the revision early and blaming me all the wrong things i've done.For once,just stand beside me and console me.Believe it or not,i've blame myself more than anyone could.so where are you?the person that i can rely on and cling onto.where are you?
i know what i would get before sitting for the exams.so,what do i do now?i'm alone at the crossroads.i need guidance.i dont want to have to face it on my own anymore.i've been facing it too long alone.what do i do now?tell me, somebody.tell me, God.

i can feel it.

2006-10-31T00:15:00.000+08:00

i can seriously feel my life's going down now.it's been a bad year for me.well,i could only remember more bad moments than good ones. maybe,the good ones werent enough to cover up the hole inside my heart.

last week's been a rough and tough week for me.i fought with my bf again.yes,again. i was so mentally uptight, i felt like i couldnt shake off the stress up in my head.But in reality,i actually did nothing last week.i was just stupidly caught up with some issues of my own, and it had an spillover effect on my bf.i doubt he's love last week,complaining he wasnt there for me while i was desperately screaming for help.well, he really wasnt there at all.But, he HAD his REASONS why. and it was the O levels. THE BIG O IN S'PORE. in this case,not orgasm but O'lvls.
i hate it when this BIG O come between us. we thought we could always worked things out,no matter what the heck the matter is.but no.

for a few days,i was angry then it turned into frustrated then into pure,cold sadness. I WAS TORN.
i was totally broken into pieces.i missed him so much,i cant believe it.i wanted to hold him right away.and that's when i do stupid things.i always do stupid things when i let my heart controls ME,instead of my brain.here,i will not tell what are the things i did but u best believe it's stupid.that's when we start our arguement.i started pouring and pouring out stuffs that i went thru in that week,he started saying i was being paranoid and unreasonable,MY GOD,it was horrible.

but when i got home after that,i felt like a rotten egg.i was bad to be hard on him at such a crucial period of his lifetime.yes,friends,yes.i did apologise.i guess he sorta accepted it half-heartedly.he's still cold to me,but i know he's still there for me.and i'm always here for my honey.my cutey sweety lil piggy.aight,that sounds gross.but anyway,there's still this one thing that i disapprove him to do. IT IS TO GO TO A JUNIOR COLLEGE.i cant take this,if he's going there,i'm done. u guys must be in bewilderment.well,it's bcos i've seen my friends and family and how they struggle so hard and unhealthily,both physically and mentally,just to keep in competition with others whose much more talented intelligent and smart.u know those geeks are born this way.but i know,it's definitely not my bf.not that he's not smart and intelligent,it's just that those people are way ahead of him,and i dare say that i'm the last person on earth that would want to see him suffer.He obviously doesnt know how i feel about it,or maybe he just thought it was a very selfish or personal idea.I BET IT'S NEVER GONNA BE THAT WAY.

but no matter what he does,i'm always there to support him.let's just hope that he makes the right decision.

anyways,back to my own.now that i have this very special platform to say what i wanna say,i feel so much better.it's kinda de-stressing.it's just so true that spitting it all out is so much better than swallow it all in...sounds hmmmm weird...okay,guys dont think the dirty way.i was refering to problems,what on earth you guys were thinking?!?!

JUST JOKING.

emo+rap.

2006-10-28T13:32:00.000+08:00

who ever knows or try to care
when the tears came drippin down to the pillow
late at night,when everyone sleepin tight.
when i run and i hide,
and i fall deep inside,
they never ever bother to even find.
people always think i can walk on thru
no matter what is
as long as i hold on tight.
but who ever cares when u hold tight
the rope still break,
they thought u dont even wanna try.
and when u do the right thing
betraying your own in-te-rest
they wont say nothing
as if they're blind.
but when all the wrongs came down
they scream and shout,right down,
on your damn faces.
they dont hear no shit explanations,
just want you to get out of their places,
get out of sight from their faces.
and you'll just sit right there and stare in spaces
thinkin how you pay your expenses,the taxes
making you wanna cry and break down
put your head into ground
shout out,freak out,wanna die there right now.
and finally u re-a-lise
that u should just vi-sua-lise
this as,
some small stone u tripped on
in your life.
when the demon is tryin to pull you down
face it fight it and get up on the ground
pull yourself together,no matter what's the matter,
just dont keep falling n break forever.
try to make mir(a)-cles happen,
for those who love you,
for the family and friends
who once stand beside you.
who once told you that they love you.
and do it for God
who's up there watching over you.
and when all anxieties u felt came to an end
be thankful,say that in your thanksgiving prayer
and be grateful.
Saying"To all that who loves me and who once loved me
thank you,i really appreciate you.And to the almighty above,
i love you.you made me strong,made me hard and i really must thank you."
and round it up with a couple of hugs and kisses,
wishing to stay that way forever,and then it will be forever.

blessed freak here.

2006-08-04T15:34:00.000+08:00

Hey blog, nice to see ya again. when's the last time we met? ooh, gosh. dont remember. well, forget bout it.
anyway, i've always been talking bout things between me n my boyfriend.why not let's talk bout sometihng else?
let's see what's in my life today that's worth talking about.
hmmm.school?friends?projects?boyfriend?school again, friends again, projects again, boyfriend again again again x10 agains?
Haha..the answer's out.let's talk about my boyfriend AGAIN.
my whole life now, revolves around him.and him now, is the only asset i've got. i live for him die for him smile because of him cry because of him, pratically everything i do is for and about him.
well, it IS good for me.it may seem bad for everyone else but good for me.and i certainly know it's true.he is the only person in my life who is able to get the full control of me.no one else can or ever could.no one.
That's why, i'm blessed.He's a gift from God.and i aint letting him slip out of my hands EVER AGAIN.i aint never gonna let that happen.
i wanna see myself waking up every morning to see him by my side, i wanna cook dinner with him in our own house, i wanna live till all these happen.
despite, how stressed i am, i fed up i felt,how much trouble i got myself into.he's always right there for me, telling me the right thing to do, best of all, make me laugh.
believe me, he has his own unique way to make me laugh.
i just love him, every side of him.when he's angry about me letting the world's biggest secret out, when he's jealous cos i'm thinking bout my ex-boyfriend, when he's eating or even gobbling up the food,when he licks every drop of the pasta sauce from the bowl,when he show me his irritated look, when he laughs like a little kid,when he boast about himself like a real egoistic man,when he hugs me,kiss me on the forehead, i can feel peace, real peace and everything will just stop and the only thing i'll feel is his soft lips on my forehead.nothing else.nothing.
here,i wanna thank him for everything he has done for me and all the things he sacrificed.i wanna let him know that our love is strong and i know it will be even stronger in the future.
thanks for contributing soooo much to my life,dar.thanks.

dont forget bout us.

2006-04-16T01:46:00.000+08:00

Don't forget about us

Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go

No baby, no baby, no baby no

Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it goMy baby boy...

Just let it die

With no goodbyes

Details don't matter

We both paid the price

Tears in my eyes

You know sometimes

It'd be like that baby

Now everytime I see you

I pretend I'm fine

When I wanna reach out to you

But I turn and I walk and I let it ride

Baby I must confess

We were bigger than anything

Remember us at our best

And don't forget about

Late nights, playin' in the dark

And wakin' up inside my arms Boy,

you'll always be in my heart and

I can see it in your eyes

You still want it

So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience

Nothing can compare to your first true love

So I hope this will remind you

When it's for real, it's forever

So don't forget about us

There's only one me and you

And how we used to shine

No matter what you go through

We are one, that's a fact

That you can't deny

So baby we just can't let

The fire pass us by

Forever

we'd both regret

So don't forget about

Late nights, playin' in the dark

And wakin' up inside my arms Boy,

you'll always be in my heart and

I can see it in your eyes

You still want it

So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience

Nothing can compare to your first true love

So I hope this will remind you

When it's for real, it's foreve

rSo don't forget about us

Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go

No baby, no baby, no baby no

Don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go

When it's for real, it's forever

So don't forget about us.

our arguments always tear us apart.

2006-04-15T02:29:00.000+08:00

dar..i dunno if u will read this but i'm just going to pour everything out here tonight.i admit i'm having serious, really serious mood swings.my pms caused so much damaged to our relationship.i know i cant blame it fully on just the pms,i admit it's part of me that i made such mistakes.i miss u these few days,i havent been around u these few days,and i thought i really wanna meet you last night so i waited for u.i wait and wait,hope and hope and soon time went by,anticipation turned into disappointment turned into anger.that explains y i was so angry.i know i should have shut up and gone home but i really miss you yesterday.i wanted to hug u when i saw u,really.but i thought i supposed to act angry n let u hoax me.but u didnt,u didnt do what i've expected.and this was when that anger got worse and oil was added to that existing flame inside me.i knew i was in the wrong immediately u started shouting at me.i got a shocked.i suddenly woke up from the tantrum i was throwing at u.i realised i've been playing with fire all along,and that's when u blew to ur top.i felt a sudden fear,fear of losing you.i tried my best to hold u but i felt really terrible when u told me not to touch u anymore and to get out of your sight.i felt devastated.i know i've created all these with my own bare hands.things were really out of control last night,there were many things that just came out from my mouth without thinking.i really hope u can understand and please know that i really love u and TIME IS NOT A LIMIT TO LOVE AND IT WILL NEVER BE. If God ever ask me for a wish,i'll say that i wanna spend my whole lifetime with you.believe or not,it's true.u should know it better than the others.i love u more than i could n i know u do too.let's just take a break and realise each other's importance in our lives.since we havent take a rest in such a long time,get the best out of it this time round and after this time,i swear there'll be none left.
love,me.

i'm sorry.again.

2006-04-13T01:53:00.000+08:00

i was never easy on you.

but you still love me so.

till one day you took it no more

and started to blow.

i totally deserve it i thought to myself

i made your head ten times it should be.

i always demand for good treatment

and i left your feelings out.

i made you wear out everyday

i still nag non stop.

till one day you gonna take no more

and started to blow

i knew i was wrong immediately and

i want you to know.

sorry darling

so sorry i made you tear.

though not literally

but deep down inside

your eyes i can see.

sorry honey

so sorry i made you so uptight.

yes,you're right

that i'm really wrong this time.

darling ,honey,whatever it is

i'm sorry really.

tomorrow 7.30,

you'll know.

it has always been there.and i'm not letting it go.

2006-02-26T16:18:00.000+08:00

great news for myself.my only love has never left me and he promised he nv will.haa.no poems no songs no nothing to share today.just pure happiness.it has been a year and it's gonna be never-ending.the fire just started and i really cross my fingers and hope it'll spread like wild fire and just keep burning on and on.haha.i'm now blogging in his house and he keeps trying to read what i'm typing.well..i covered the screen up.haa.hope my friends share my happiness and like me forget bout the past grudges, hatred and all the small fights.learn to forgive and forget.sometimes,it's just better to live life this way u know?..hee

is the love gone?or is it just starting to fade away?

2006-02-18T11:36:00.000+08:00

i guess there's nothing much more i can say

i'm losing faith by seconds

in you and in me.

enough of the poems n enough of the songs

i hate writing you on my blog

cos it's so embarrassing.

sad times more than happy moments

tears won joy.

it may be only a few days for you

but it seems like centuries

to me whom u not care.

crazy as i may seem

perhaps

i was thinking too much

but u didnt prove to me i was.

i hope and hope and hope everyday

hope is what leading me on.

and for the last time,

now i shall hope again

that i will never hope once more.

Let there be love

2006-02-17T14:55:00.000+08:00

i'll lay low in the couch and let my dreams be sweet tonight

i'll put a kiss on your lips so that our love would be alright

let there be love....let there be love..

you never thought this would happen to you and me,suprised?

people said that we wont last but why cant we show them we're right?

let there be love..let there be love..

Open up your eyes

Come on baby take a look at the sky

the stars are shining so brightly for us

but if you aint happy

you can leave me

just be quick to make up your mind

cos if you let it go

it wont come back~~

(to the music of oasis' ''let there be love'')

=)sorry if it's badly done.just some inspirations that came suddenly.

i want to let u know...

2006-01-23T19:23:00.000+08:00

have you listen to lee hom's new song? Kiss Goodbye? no? listen to it.my tears started rolling down my cheeks n my nose turn runny when i heard this song. well,it doesnt really says bout things that had happened to me n my only love but it still is sad enough for me to start tearing.somehow, there are some connections between me and this song.i love it.even though i feel damn horrible when i hear this song.i still love it.rites,enough bout the song.now let's start toking bout me.

well,to people erica maybe strong,to people erica maybe cheerful n funny.but to myself,when i look into the mirror i know that i'm actually not what i seem to be.i'm easily defeated by the power of love.lately,i ran into some problems with my only love.i noe he hates me now.and all the things i do just disgusted him.but am still trying.the power of love just got me.it made me do incredible things that the normal erica dont.it also can make erica turn into a foolish n dumb person.well, to me waiting for someone i love for more than 2 hours at the beach at night n hoping he will come is not dumb.it's desperate.to those who wants to know whther did he turn up?i'm sorry to disappoint you,he didnt. he disappoint me too.but,hey,i'm still fighting in this cold war.i'm still struggling and i will not give up at this period of time.this love made me do stupid things, but i dont care if i need to do a million stupid things just to get him back.

if u can see dar,i really love you lah..i dunno whther u can sense that i'm actually sad n sorry that i agitated u soo much that day until now.i noe u are already sick n tired of me saying all these but please understand that all that it's here is nothing but the truth.i'm not going to give u up cos u noe why.u noe that i'm all yours.nobody can replace u ever again.that's y i wanted to tattoo ur name on my back.i want to let u noe that u're really my one n only.believe me trust me.i am so afraid that one day u will just call or msg me ''let's break up''. i'm really very scared of that to happen.i dun wan it to happen.i'm so scared u will tell me u lose feeling s bout me,u hate me n dun like me anymore.i am really serious with u.i've nv been so clear so serious with anyone.u should noe it better than anyone.even though how many friends told me u're not worth it,i will still defy their wills and still hang on.well,none of my friends said that u're worth it but the most important thing is i noe u're the best of the best for me.
dar...give me one more chance..give urself one more chance.i'm always asking u for more chance.if only u're reading this.

i dun have a name for this.

2006-01-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

As i wade through the crowd on a busy street,memories of us flashes by.

Love songs we loved to hear started ringing in my ears.

i think i'm hearing things

cos i can hear you calling me 'darling'

i guess my eyes are damaged

cos i can see u coming.

u held my hand and say 'let's patch it up'

u kiss me on my cheek and said 'let's work it out'

i look into your dark brown eyes

and replied u with a smile

the next thing i saw is me in my wedding gown.

u turn and looked at me and said 'i do' so loudly.

everyone stood up and clapped like they've never been so happy.

then i saw myself in the hospital with a pair of babies.

u kissed me on the forehead and promised we'll live happily with the twins.

Just as i was feeling so wonderful,

i woke and it was all a dream.

i told myself we'd be okay but still i am weeping.

i really coudnt take it so i held up the scissors.

i slid it aross my wrist and red fluid started dripping.

i lied down on the bed that u once have lied on before.

And as i close my eyes to seek eternal rest

memories of us flashed back once more.

but all i saw was your angry face n grumpy look

and u told me u cant put up with me no more.

tears flowing,blood dripping

till my last bit of breathe.

i mouth the words,

''i love you,Dennis''

and finally

i'm at eternal rest.

i'm sorry.

2006-01-18T13:12:00.000+08:00

A few things that I wanted to say

You are the one who taught me how to fly
And the one who drop me down from the sky so high
You are the one who showed me how sweet love is
And also the one that let me tasted the bitterness of love.

You brought in colours to my life
But you went away leaving it black n white
No matter how I tried to find it back
There is still something my life still lack .

It's your smile that makes me smile
It's you that I only love
Seeing you is the only thing that makes me happy
So please promise never to leave me .

Cant bear to leave you
Cant bear to see you hurting
Cant bear to make you suffer
So maybe we should end it ?

But I don't want to see you turning away
Walking out of my life .
What I want to see is us holding hands
Walking down the aisle that leads to the end of time .

Even though I'm sad sometimes
Even started to cry .
But I don't want you to see those tears
Cause I know you'll rather be the one hurting not I.

There are times I really wanted ask you whether you ever loved me.
But I told myself that I should have faith in you

n believe everything u told me is nothing but truth.

There are still lots of things I really want you to know
But I'm scared that you wont want to.

So i kept them all alone

n hide them away from you.

Maybe our journey has ended maybe it'll never end.
But if you don't try you'll never know what'll happen in the end.
Baby, come on let's put more effort into this
Let's work things out .
If we're doing it together we'll definitely succeed .

And at the end of this poem or whatsoever

i really want you to know .

i love you

from the beginning n to no end

and i hope u love me so.

is there a j-o-b out there?

2005-12-17T13:47:00.000+08:00

i think i'm going crazy.i not doing any good to myself in the past few weeks after o's..omgosh!i need a job now!
i'm desperate for jobs...so desperate..i need to have money..i need to have some discipline in my life..i cant go on like this..idling around all day long...laze here and there...play pool...and more pool..and moooore pool..and eat and eat and eeeeeaaaat non-stop.i'll turn into bloody damn pig before anyone knows it..God help me..i'm like soooooo tired of interviews...to accept the truth that u've been rejected is never a good feeling..i need to move around..know what ppl?! Erica is never a stay-home girl..she needs some action in her life..great actionsss...she needs to move around...because if she doesnt move around in the next 2 weeks..she'll turn into a pig soon..pretty sooooon..

aiiiyoo

2005-09-24T19:40:00.000+08:00

it's getting more and more boring by the seconds..i need to go out! and get myself do something.well..actually i just went out yesterday but it's obviously not enough..i need more jive in my life.hee.anybody feel like ''pooling'' tmr? as in playing pool..not swimming..yah...anyone?hee..i cant get enough of pool it's fun n damned..erms..i'm like contradicting myself..ya..but it's true..it's fun when the ball goes inside that damn hole.that satisfaction is indesccribable.u will die to have that kind of glory.your face will shine a thousand times brighter....and your heart will be soo contented and your hands,your legs,your whatever will......erm...that's tooo exaggerate..aha-ha-ha.but you will definitely go swearing n stomping around when u aim so accurately but that damned ball just din go in that freakin' hole..therefore,it's fun and at the same time frustrating. nothing except pool gives u two ultimately different kinds of feelings.yah.u gotta agree with me =)So pool anyone?

yaaaawwwnnn..

2005-09-21T20:37:00.000+08:00

how boooring can a day be? omgosh....i'm soo booored...finally prelims are ending..the day is approaching..i can see...well..today's been very very empty..no life at all..went home and tried very hard to fall asleep cos that's nothing for me to do..my sis had to use the computer for her work the whole day sooooo...haisss...din get to come online till now..the whole day i've been waiting for msgs n calls but my phone barely rings.argh.i'm sick n tired of waiting.i think i should just stop waiting.that kind of emptiness in my heart can never be understood.

heyheyhey....check it out...

2005-09-20T14:14:00.000+08:00

----I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my blog. My blog, my blog, my blog, my blog, my blog, My blog, my blog, my blog, my lovely little blog. (Check it out)----

ahaha..finallly...a BRAND NEW BLOG SKIN...feelin a lil' bored so..gt my blog done...yeahh...now i can face the world..cos finally people wont tease me bout my previous ''JAY'' blogskin anymore! =P...well..tmr's lit prelims..n i'm cool at lit..cos it's not going to be in my L1R4...so...i'm just going to read thruuu..ahaha.n i want to put a song in my blog...i dont know how mannn....somebody...show me the light..heee..anybody..just teach me..thankssss..just in case anybody doesnt know...i'm a butterfly fanatic..so yah..if u like my blog...TAGGGG..if u dont like it..TAGGGG too...cos i want to know how to improve...noe what...i'm sooo proud of myself ....SOOOO PROUD that i'm already drowning in the glory...that i can actually change a blogskin on my own...HAHAHAHA....it's a great improvement n a great achievement...for me...dont u agree? =)))

what IS wrong??

2005-08-12T22:24:00.000+08:00

vhat is vrong??? vhy is my veek so damned......cursed....n all the bad things befall on me???shit it....freak it...damn it...f*ck it....vhat is wrong with _ _ _ _ _ _..... u think u're stressed up..den me?...i'm not trying to blame you..but please spare a thought for me can??? i beg u???? vhenever this thing crops up..remember..i do FEEL CONFUSED TOO..I FEEL BAD TOO..I'M GOING THRU VHATEVER U'RE GOING THRU TOO...hais.....i'm gonna f*cking forget bout it...but u?..will u?if u get to read this..pls forgive me...if i cant vent my anger on you..let me do it in my blog..at least here..i have my own space..i'm free to express myself.. my eyes have seriously gone dry.. ='''''''''(

Love is in the air....

2005-08-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

Mmmmmm....love to love n being love...hee...this coming week is the shiokest week man! sooooo bloody many days of holidays...cool like shit! wooohooo....hais...but still..it seems to be very little..my life's so packed...so many homework lor...sians...everyday study study study...wah the head wanna break liao..but luckily...i got a cute daddy that loves me so much...he keeps stuffing me with........money..even though not much..but it's quite weird though...hehe..but i lik it...hohohohohohoho! =)))

it's time to blog.

2005-07-30T23:48:00.000+08:00

Aha.....blogging time...actually..nothing much has changed...maybe a little more of playing pool in my life..n the prom night is starting to hit the school...i reallly hope it'll be a super successful one....we've put in sooo much effort..so it better be..hais......something bad happen to me...hope everything will be fine..dun feel like talking much bout it..kinda private n condfidential..this week sucks..hope it'll be better next week...okay...i dunno what to say already......byes.

erica's back by popular demand!!

2005-07-19T20:51:00.000+08:00

Wohoooo!! Time flies....shoooooshhh....i haven't blog since i dont even remember...!!!! Goshhhh...it's been a long time.....................hahaha....okay okay..dun even noe how to blog oreadi...hahas..if it's boooooring bear with it...if u cant bear with it...leave this site...of cos u're free to leave comments too..hahass...erm...something nice happened...something bad happened too..but it's all fine now..things around me are still in the same old state as they were..n days of my life is still the same old daily routine..nothing to be excited about...nothing to be sad over...nothing to be happy for...nothing to be thought over...i'm just living my life in a huge mess...o lvls, homeworks,studies.family.phone bills,money,shopping,love,friends,teachers,detentions.mdm fong...blah blah blah.....so on... :(

watever......

2005-05-26T18:28:00.000+08:00

i noe the blog is getting boooring..even i think it's boooooring...so i may stop blogging..who cares anyway...argh...sians...just wanna tell you guys to go listen to these few songs...nicest songs i ever heard..so..here are the songs:

1)Dancing in the moonlight---Toploader
2)100 years---Five For Fighting
3)Almost here---Delta Goodrem and Daniel Bedingfield
4)Qing hua---Jay Chou!!
5)Emotions---Beegees
6)How deep is your love---Beegees
7)Accidentally in love--- (not sure) Counting Crows
8)Somewhere only we know---Keane
9)These words---Natasha Bedingfield
10)Obviously---Mcfly

never ever gonna eat steamboat at marina bay again..

2005-05-16T16:27:00.000+08:00

Argh!!! stomach ache like anything can....omgosh!! went to the toilet umpteen times...shit until ass pain man..still gotta go to school today...IT'S A TORTURE!!!...Kim's lucky..she got away from school today..claiming tat she had diarrhea n fever...me too lor...but i still go school...not like her...pontang only ar...BAAAAAAAD BAAAAAAD girl...hahaha....many of us got diarrhea after eating tat steamboat bloody shit lor..wah lao eh...not just kim n i....farh n cheeps oso kana man....sway like anything..hais.....DAMN!! i'm failed my english overall..shitty asshole...dead like freak lor now....hais..how m i going to pass my O's.... looks like i have to take up reading as my hobby now....argh!! i swear i gonna fail my poa n maths.. dead+dead+very dead= xp

Wat the hell????!!!

2005-05-11T17:48:00.000+08:00

Wat the??!!...I DONT HAVE CHEENAH FACE...SAY NO SAY NO SAY NO NO NO NO!!!....why?????? do i really have cheenah face??!!! why?!!! argh~~~~~~~~~ crys crys crys crys...i dun wanna be cheenah..i'm not cheenah i swear..i know i like chinese music n jay chou but at least i not cheenah deep down in my heart... so please dun mistaken okay...i know the first impression is "ohh..she must be cheenah.." BUT NO! I'M NOT OKAY!! remember this clearly: ERICA IS NO CHEENAH PERSON!!!

dott dott dott

2005-05-07T12:24:00.000+08:00

hahahs..dott dott dott..my fav phrase now...i actually passed my 2.4 run in the first trial..after like 3 years.....dott dott dott...hahaha..okay..erm..yah kim's birthday coming sooooon..n i'm so worried bout her...Kim are u orite??????!!! haha..kks...i haven buy anything for my mum yet...dead..n broke..argh!..anyway..i quarrelled with my mom yesterday...i feel so bad...argh! i dunno wat to say areadi..going off...zzzoooooooooooooooommm!! God Bless!

Nervous!!!....

2005-05-02T10:08:00.000+08:00

Omgosh!!..i'm getting confirm today!!..it's today!!...after so many months of waiting....finally it's here..but now i'm so darn nervous!!!..so worried i'll say the wrong things...or fall down the steps..hahahs...argh!!!!...so scared..................... =o

God Bless All of us!!!!

2005-05-01T18:01:00.000+08:00

May the good Lord bless all of you who's receiving the sacrament of confirmation tomorrow!! hahahs...n forever!!..bye!! i'm off....whooooosossshhhhh!!

Guzheng Syf Judges Read This!!

2005-04-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

Hey...all 5 guzheng syf judges can just go Fuck Off kks...u simply have no sense of hearing....wat happen to your ears..too many ear shit clog up izzit..please go n dig lah huh?!!..for heaven's sake...how can u ever like Paya Lebar tat fucking school...!!!!!!!!!u all just Fuck out of my sight n never ever let mi c any of u along the road or i'll just body slam u down the the core of the earth man!!!!!!!!!!!!Freaks...GO TA HELL!!!!! okay... Guzheng Peeps!! Listen up! we noe we are the best can already kks..who cares bout the fucking syf anyway!!..we noe we can do 100% better than tat group of Papaya Lemama bloody fuckers can areadi kks!! WE ARE THE BEST N WILL BE THE BEST FOREVER!!! dun be discouraged kks!!!we are already very good liaos..Guzheng just Rox!..kks... We love CHEN lao shi!!!!! Lao Shi Wo Men Ai Ni!!!!! thank her so much..Ni yong yuan shi wo men de jin pai jiao lian..Wo men hui yong yuan zhi chi ni de!!!!!!! Lao Shi Jia You!!!!!!

4r6 just rawks...

2005-04-19T12:49:00.000+08:00

what can i say...i just love mi classmates A LOT!..They SAVED my life..hahas..last friday was a total shock of my bloody life man! What the hell?! i felt the spirit of DEATH approaching..hahaas..okay tat's a real BS.bullshit.it was quite scary though..i thought i might die..and i seriously thought tat i'm going to the hospital..but GOD BLESS..i did not..well, for those who did not know what the hell had happened to me on tat faithful day, the summary below is for you.....
On tat morning, i woke up.felt sick.din wanna go to school but still DID in the end.From here,u can see tat erica IS a GOOD student.den...it's time for P.E!..We ran 2 rounds around half of the school n stopped. i sat around chit-chatting.. miss teo caught me and wanted me to run 5 rounds around the field because i din turn up for last week's super duper club..(trim and fit club)..so i half -run and walk for 5 rounds..THEN..my vision started to get blur...a little bit by bit....but i still continue to the very last last last round..from here u can see tat erica IS a student that OBEYS the teacher..den we went up to class after the P.E lesson..Suddenly,my head started throbbing "thud,thud ,thud".. and i felt like vomitting.."yeeeeeeeeee"...yong lin wasnt singing so it wasnt him tat made me wanna puke...i went to the toilet n vomitted..a bit only..den i came back to class..feeling darn cold as though i'm in the ice berg or something. I felt weaker n weaker n weaker n weaker n.... . . . . But i never faint..strong eh? hahas...i cant talk n cant open my eyes..very difficult to breathe so Kim n Azeimah decided to go to the General Office to take the stretchers.. while they were on their way up to the class..i felt a sudden churn in the stomach and yesterday's dinner came right out of my mouth n landed on Jamin's scotch tape....hehehehehe..Sorry!..then they helped me to the stretcher and carried me all the way down to the G.O..Thanks for those who helped me esp those who accompanied me n carried me..i'm bloody as heavy as swine yet they actually carry me all the way down from the fourth floor to the G.O....so grateful to them man!! Gosh!...i JUST LOVE 4R6!!! WOHHHOOOO......... The end.
Very long hor....but nvm lah...hais..thanks guys...love ya guys man!! We rawks! 4r6 rawks man! wohooo!

A day for the fools...

2005-04-01T16:26:00.000+08:00

Hey....there's a spot on your shirt!!...tat's lame..[-_-'''] BUT! many still believed....HAHAHA...one word for them..GULLIBLE...WARINING: Don't ever believe anything on 1st of April. It'll NEVER be TRUE... =0 it had been two tiring weeks since i actually felt the comfort of being R.E.L.A.X. Last week was horrible week and this week is none better.. it's time for ME to rest n CHILL..........out with ma friends.. feel like going to the beach..anyone????? Damned!!..ma e-z link card not done yet..hahaha..okay gonna get it done SOOOOON.. anyway..i'm sure all of u had either watched or heard bout the EYE 10..Some say leh some say lah...phua chu kang says it's time to fight the sars..wait..SARS???? y am i toking bout this?? okay okay..Back to where i m..the EYE 10 (#_#) sspppoooooky... ... ... ... ...to someone whose afraid of horror movie and usually cover their eyes for 3/4 of the movie, who is me, it will be scary..N funny..n really funny..n very funny..n Darn funny...!! Believe me. oops..Today's 1st April..did i say u cant believe anybody on this day??..opps..i did..but it's okay..u can believe me tomorrow if u want to . . . . . . cos i swear tat it's really funny..cheryl say tat it's not scary..and not as horrifying as she expected to be..LEONARD said the same thing too..can you imagine tat??!!! LEONARD??!! i'm sure some of u will be shocked..haha..jkjk..i hope he doesn't read this..God Bless me!!! but to me..it really worth mi 8.5 bucks...........think i gotta stop..till the next time...!! BOYEBOYE!!

i never had so much fun.

2005-03-16T15:53:00.000+08:00

It's just so cool to recall yesterday's outing..we nv reali had so much fun this year..Anyway..thanx to the one n onli TASHA!!.. she had organise a sort of gathering thingy at the pasir ris beach yesterday..few of us came but it was still so fun...we had so much food n wah!!...i were so bloated..hahas....the roasted chicken was HEAVENLY!!..cooked by Tasha's dad..Thanks Uncle!!..n YES!!..there were MILO TOO!!..how i wish we can have tat once a month...tat'll be SOO GREEAAT!! it's such a GRASSY picnic cos all the grass flew into our food..yuck!!..disgusting... we took lotsa pics..n i look so wierd in all of them..haha. the best part of it outing was when we started to play CATCHING..HAHAHAHA..so darn funny sia!!..we run n run..catch n catch n ended up dunno who's the catcher..den everybody running away from each other assuming each other's the catcher..so funny...Melanie n mi was sooo tired tt we went to rocks n just lie there..we sang and sang n played the ''Bi Shou Hua Jiao'' game...den scare many couples away...hahas..we went to Tasha's house to rest n we chatted n chatted non-stop...we talk bout many many things..n we started eating again..we laugh non-stop too!!..reached home bout 11 plus n talked on the phone till 12+...tiring but FUN day i had yesterday..i dun care we MUST have a chalet...yeah!!

arh...i'm sick again....

2005-03-04T16:16:00.000+08:00

I'm sick again..physically..good thing actually..i dun have to take mi physics test n i dun have to stay for another 1 hr for mi higher chinese..haha..this week had been so fun..many many exciting stuffs happen..like i got A1 for mi chinese o lovels!!!! Farah, iskandar,wanee they all got A1 too..!! So Cool Rite!! we're going to celebrate with our friends tml!!...think we're going bowling..so fun leh!!hahaha..cant wait..!! Yesterday mi, yong lin,kim,gerald,jamin went to the career seminar at suntec and found out tat it was a crap..waste our time onli..den we decided to watch the spongebob movie BUT havent show yet..crap rite?! but we still managed to watch a movie lah..it's LEMONY SNICKETS AND A/THE SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS.. it's darn nice lor..should watch..the baby's SOOOO cute her name's Sunny..she likes biting things..damn cute..should go watch!! Jim carrey is so irritating in the show..he's the evil man so he have to be irritating n evil..haha.. it's worht it to spent 7 bucks on it lor....think gonna stop here areadi.. bye!!

Harlow!! Rica's Back In Action!!

2005-02-17T18:23:00.000+08:00

Hey..i've not been updating mi blog since a very long time ago which i dunno it's when..think a month plus had gone past n there's many that had happened n still happening..so sad..i din enjoy mi valentine's day cos none of mi friends is free..so F**k up rite..kks..i'm not scolding them but i'm blaming that this event just came at the wrong time..so i literally slept the whole afternoon n only wake up at night to talk on the phone..SAD LIFE ISN'T IT..!!!!!in fact..no life. enough said bout valentine's day,which is mi most hated day of the year 2005,let's talk bout something that's more interesting..hey guys..anybody planning to go tp open hse..i wanna go again..fri or sat cos i wanna tour the whole bloody school again..it's fun!!n think i'm going business law or retail management..if not design cos it's nice..the clothes they make can be compared with all the branded boutiques man!! so cool!! i dun care tp is mi choice..anybody wanna go call mi kks..i oso wanna go..n if jess,huilin or even jacky get to see this..please forgive mi..i supposed to look for u guys but i din..so.sorry..erm..i will w will..fri or sat..will call u guys..c ya there!!

Love ya'll..

2005-01-16T08:01:00.000+08:00

Guys..i juz love all of u..all of u are soooo nice...hahas..thanx for the words of encouragement...thanx soooo much..hahas..have anyone tried habbohotel areadi..go try it!!..it's fun!! go to www.habbohotel.com.sg it's ''.sg'' kk..not ''.com'' onli horz..i tink got link here ba..u all go try kkz...it's a muz..last few days had been bathing under the sun for hrs..got sun burn man..n i onli manage to raise 70+ bucks onli..i'm a failure man..hahas..n none of mi friends whom i called turn up to help mi donate okay.... for eg. ben lim whom i called soo many times but didnt come....tot he always chill out at orchard but...this guy gonna get it from mi...hahas..kkz..have a nice Sunday guys....c ya'll soon!!=p

hahas..

2005-01-12T16:49:00.000+08:00

hahas..enjoying at Carol's hse..''I'm Lovin it!'' ... putting up our own version of ''Nightmare before Xmas..'' though xmas is long gone sort of thing but..dunno lahz..hahas...funny like hell..azeizeimamah u missed all the fun but nvm..still can meet up with carol one day one..i'm sure!!!!!!! kkz...cya'll!

A whole bad year for erica..

2005-01-08T15:42:00.000+08:00

A whole new year starts yet mi life havent change a bit..bad bad things are happening..seems to be a very bad omen to mi.it makes mi think tat 2005 will be a tuff year for mi except for the study part larhz..cos' study had always been tuff to mi since i ever step into this world..haiz..maybe i've been thinking too much but izzit reali tat ugly n fat girls have no privileges at all..im feelin less confident as the day passes by..feelin so outkast by the world..y cant we(ugly gals) live like those pretty/normal ones..y cant we live with tat kinda pride they have..wat is wrong with us..fat doesnt mean anything?!!..y ppl LOVES to discriminate us 24-7..dun they feel tired..how come we have to carry kgs kgs of fat on our body when others dun have to..y is our metabolism rate so low..y?!y?!y?!..so many ''y''s..i reali dun understand y the world goes this way..can i even be slim for 1 min?!!..1 min is reali enuff..at least u have 60 secs to be happy..can we even have the right to fall in love..?! tat's one BIG thing okay!!..tat's it..tat's the point..n the ans is no..it's juz no..i dunno y but it's definitely no..so frustrated man..Why things like this happen..argh..!!

school reopens!!

2005-01-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

schooling sux..esp sec 4 man..every teacher say the same thing..''u're sec 4 areadi..muz be more mature..'',''this year is a crucial year for all of you..'',''u muz start preparing for your O LEVEL readi..!!''....all this sux...i'm dying..sooo much homework..got test the firz week areadi...WAT IS THIS..!!!!! argh!!!

Santa Clause is coming to TOWN!!!!!!

2004-12-24T14:54:00.000+08:00

Haha...merry xmas eve..!! soooooo happy today...tml is reali a big day for me, u n everyone!!!Feel like shouting now...!!! MERRY XMAS..........!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHA...going out with mi group of buddies to town later...juz to celebrate n countdown to mi most favourite festival...TTHHHEEE CHRISTMAS..!!! okay..tat's a lil lame but i juz love to be lame..!! i wanna make mi xmas at 1200 sharp..hope tat i'll come true..ha...okay..wish all mi frens n buddies HAPPY XMAS N ENJOY XMAS DAY TO THE FULLEST..!!!

Feeling Sick!!!

2004-12-22T18:20:00.000+08:00

Argh!! im soooo sick...pls dun be sick...no stay home xmas for Erica...plsss God...dun make mi sick...PLEASE!! haha..lil studious today..did a lil homework..haha..still the same...cant wait for xmas to come..having xmas fits now..im crazy over xmas..hehe..uh oh uh oh uh oh oh nono..got mi looking soooo crazy rite now..CHRISTMAS got mi looking soo crazy rite now...kkz..im reali mad..haha..quite sleepy today..i actually woke up at 1 PM!!! Broke mi own record...haha..got a lil bit dizzy lorz...sooo im soooo afraid tat i'll be sick....hope i can finish mi homework by today..Wish mi luck...Merry Xmas!!!

I can hear Santa's calling me!!

2004-12-21T13:11:00.000+08:00

Joy to the world the lord has come..lala..laLA..LALA..CHRISTMAS IS SOOOOO NEAR!!!!!!!! Can't wait for it!! YEAH YEAH... YEAH!! Haven finish mi stupid homework yet...ARGH!!! Gonna finish today....Well..yesterday was a funny day...LAUGH LIKE SHIT!! Went to Kbox with cheryl,PEARL N LEO n jr....had sooooo much fun there..shout like shit..den soo hungry..the BLOODY KBOX ARZ...BLUFF PPL ONE LEHZ..we ordered lunch bout 1+ den it came at 2 +++ nearly three lorz..still dare to tell us the time over for very long liaoz..STUPID SIA..tampines kbox all brainless ppl sia...liewz..den nvm..wanna go play bball..i got ball but ball no air..got pump but no needle...ARGH!! nvm...jr went home to take the needle den got needle...PUMP SPOIL...!! we tried thousand times oso cannot pump the ball up..den give up in the end..argh!! wat a day sia...den we all sat down there n laugh lorz...hahaha..tired like shit..now both of mi arms hurt like shit...argh..cannot move areadi..paralysed...................

Hey Hey Hey guys..!!! muz read kkz..

2004-12-19T17:35:00.000+08:00

Whey Guys..rem tat day i told u all tat i wanted to write something which is super funny n nice but i pressed on something soooo it got deleted rite..kkz now..here it is.!!!!..GO TO MI LINK ON ''NIS'' N U GO READ THE POST ON 17 OF DEC...U WILL NOE THE STORY..SUPER FUNNY..I PROMISE WITH MI WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE..ALL MI MONEY N EVERYTHING TAT BELONGS TO MI...u will sure LAUGH TILL U DROP..!!!! READ IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

let the last song make us dance.

you seem so long ago...

Upon the skies of blue..i found you.

i am not good.

bittersweet

cheers to class politics! again.

can you feel me now....

my love life is no where near the end............

Love's not about giving in,it's bout losing yourself.

Not exactly beautiful.

dont look away,you're the one to blame.

wohoo.

aftertaste of heaven is nothing at all....

I say butter factory you say yes.

The pieces don't fit anymore.

Finally trying hard to let go....

aftermath...

With a broken wing,I'll soar up high.

Right to be Wrong----Joss Stone

专属天使

drunken confessions

the other side.

blah blah Road Best Finds!!!!!!!!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Street lamps

"So dont you bring me down today"----Christina aguilera, Beautiful.

Miscommunication.

"钢琴上黑键之间 永远都夹著空白" ----曹格

In dilema not heaven.

nobody's got to belong to somebody else.

He raised me up just to watch me fall.

Carry on.

So erica gets high tonight.

I'm cool.

Where did i go wrong? i lost a friend.

DAMMIT.

dreaming with a broken heart.

truth

i'm just another step for you to get to heaven.

If only my wish will come true this Xmas.

The final episode's over.

phew.

My gosh.

stop bugging me.

Pursuing Neverland.

trust me.

Lavender,personified.

Lost and Found.

Obliged

answers to your questions.

i'm tired.

Lethal injection,bittersweet affection.

Twisted.Carlos Santana ft Anthony Hamilton

connection.

caught in the middle.

rocks or bored?

news news for everyone.

how to save a life?

i can feel it.

emo+rap.

blessed freak here.

dont forget bout us.

our arguments always tear us apart.

i'm sorry.again.

it has always been there.and i'm not letting it go.

is the love gone?or is it just starting to fade away?

Let there be love

i want to let u know...

i dun have a name for this.

i'm sorry.

is there a j-o-b out there?

aiiiyoo

yaaaawwwnnn..

heyheyhey....check it out...

what IS wrong??

Love is in the air....

it's time to blog.

erica's back by popular demand!!

watever......

never ever gonna eat steamboat at marina bay again..

"钢琴上黑键之间永远都夹著空白" ----曹格